Healing the Grief of Disconnection by Chrystal A. Odin

Healing the Grief of Disconnection

Chrystal A. Odin

“People who think a pluralistic society can’t exist are suffering from a lack of imagination.” - Walken Schweigert, PCF Community Member

We breathe in air, cry water and salt, our bones are healed up from the stones of the earth, and our power is born of fire-heat and blood. As humans, our relationship with land goes beyond utility and taps into a deeper, almost unconscious exchange that sustains life.

In this article we’ll share insights into thoughts, hopes, dreams, and fears of disconnection, and the resulting need for reconnection to land, from some of the resident members of Philadelphia Community Farm (PCF). PCF is a rural-based intentional community farm in Osceola Wisconsin working towards liberation. We are a volunteer-run, intergenerational, Multi-Abled, Black, Brown, & Indigenous and LGBTQ led nonprofit 501(c)(3), committed to creating access for historically oppressed people to connect to their history through land, food systems and cultural practices.^[1]

The Adaptive Learning Process (ADL)

At PCF we have agreed to a process of consensus decision making called The Adaptive Learning Process (as developed by Robert Chadwick).^[2] The ADL process was developed for individuals to process their feeling and thinking life, in order to make wise and strategic action steps towards solutions The ADL process, used in conjunction with the Equity and Empowerment Tool (as developed by Dr. JuanCarlos Arauz^[3]), helps to create real world practices for those of us committed to decolonizing ourselves, moving us through grief and into reimagining; necessary steps towards true liberation.

For this conversation, we followed a set of scripted questions to dive deeper into what we feel, think, and will eventually do to support reconnection to land for ourselves and others. We encourage readers to use these questions (laid out in sequential order) to explore their own feelings around reconnection; or really any conflict, because a conflict is just a decision that needs to be made.

Exploring Perspectives

First we gather information to create a shared knowledge base, and move emotions through the body by naming them. We begin by asking: What is your view of the situation (reconnection to land)? How do you feel about it?

One thing we observed is that, if there is anything that has gotten us in this situation to begin with it has been the idea that ONE way is the RIGHT way.

“Deep senses of moral purity are just as dangerous as fascism. As soon as you think you know how other people should live, and that they should live like you..." - Walken Schweigert, Community Member

It’s a little bit like a flower seed when it doesn’t quite make it through the process of germination. It begins to create order from chaos, and just as it believes it has ordered itself properly, it rots in its casing, all the future seeds ceasing to exist. There is not one way to germinate a seed. We ask: Does it need light, or to be covered in darkness, does it need cold or warmth? Is humidity involved? What specific configuration of conditions does each seed need to become its truest self? What conditions does it need for growing, for sharing bounty? In the garden we must learn the needs of each individual seed. We are no different. We are seeds. We too hold the potentials of all of the past made manifest, and the potential of all futures imagined.

Our community strives to honor the reciprocity we share with all parts of nature. Our conversations in the ‘west’ tend to use language that is inherently about separation. As”‘westerners” we all too often center ourselves in conversations about land.

“Our society has very much created a culture [where] we talk about being stewards of the land. That feels like we're separate from.” - Aiyana Machado, Community Member

Why do we talk about anything in this way: stewardship, landholders, property, ownership. . . How do we even begin to undo the way we view our relationship to land? When will we get to the part where the word land just inherently, the single word itself, simply includes us?

There is sadness in recognizing how disconnected humanity has become from the planet. So many of our earth based traditions and practices have been lost to colonial capitalism and white supremacy. There is fear in everything. Fear that if we don’t do something the “right way” it will all fall apart, as if the entirety of the world rests on our individual shoulders. Fear is the true power of these atrocities of thinking.

And yet there is a joy that arises from the possibility of reconnection ; An excitement about finding our rightful place in the spiral of life… A deep and profound respect, that elicits feelings of empowerment and freedom.

Society is gradually beginning to shift toward remembering and rekindling this connection. We hold a curiosity of how we will get there, and a gratitude for the privilege to reconnect and tell new stories.

Understanding Expectations

Second, by sharing our expectations we get clear on what we think may happen with the situation. This can help us understand our feelings more clearly. We ask: What are your expectations of / for the situation (reconnection to land)?

For me, it is like a pendulum that has been swinging for hundreds of years (perhaps since before feudalism) between two extremes. And will swing to the center again. I can expect the whole of the universal order to do what it does best without having much control to change it. At the same time, we humans do love to cling to our own self-importance.

If we are going to get through the next 5,000 years peacefully, we are going to have to make some serious reconnections. Cultural changes will most likely be necessary, at least for the “western” mind. We imagine we’ll need to include ceremony, process thinking skills, and community all together, instead of segmented in the way we do. It must absolutely be a mix of everything, old and new, outdoors and indoors, all the ways.

“A few years ago I was saying to a friend, ‘Human beings are the worst thing that ever happened to this planet.’ But what she said back to me was, you know, ‘For most of human history, humans have had a really important role in nourishing the diversity and flourishing of all the life around us.’ And I'm going to cry saying that, because I have been really separated from that narrative.” - maddy shaw, Community Member

We must grieve and let go of a great deal of our current ideas of who and what we are, in order to reimagine who we will be.

To find an equilibrium, beauty has to be a part of the process. Because, lack of beauty is directly connected to white supremacy. To be in the presence of things, not for a purpose, not for a goal, not for anything other than to revel in them existing. Art, music, any of the things that underpin our cultural creation, they are needed to heal these wounds.

We will likely have to find a relationship to our own indigenous pasts, however far back we must go, in order to learn the practices that have given us life. We must see the wisdom of the elders, and our indigeneities as cornerstones, without romanticizing that past.

Our Deepest Fears

In the ADL process we must address our worst possible outcomes. We do this to move into creative thinking. Worst possible outcomes can also be viewed as deep fears we hold. They are based on past experiences, whether real or imagined and are often self-fulfilling prophecies when strongly held. The third question to ask is: What is the worst possible outcome for the situation (not reconnecting)?

Sometimes our worst visions for the future are intertwined with the dreams that make them seem less terrifying. They are, in a way, different sides of the same coin. Take for instance, the idea of wealthy elites moving to Mars. However far-fetched that may seem, it couldn’t be all unpleasant. Perhaps the rest of us would be left to create a more just planet if we weren’t held in the grips of capitalism. I want to see all of our potential on land realized, and sometimes it seems like if it all went wrong, maybe that was right.

“The cycles of life come and go, and that's beautiful. The worst possible outcome is that we wouldn’t respect that.” - maddy shaw, community member

Other intensely imagined fears such as global war and total annihilation, or complete isolation well up and can be insidious creatures of our minds. These can take the form of little whispers passed on through heritage and memory. Some of us fear we will be left alone forever to carry the weight of the humanities’ extinctions on our shoulders, that one alone will carry the torch; doomed to an existence of tumultuous loneliness, living with the cyclical process of guilt and shame forever. Others can fear the loss of generations of potential. The sobering sadness that our grandchildren's children won’t see the beauty of the current day, that they won’t know the sweet drip of a maple tree, freshly tapped in the spring, sharing of the life giving sap.

“And my grandchildren may never see the life that I have been able to see. I know (tearing up) I feel scared, and so sad about that.” - Aiyana Machado, Community Member

Our Most Hopeful Dreams

With our fears named and acknowledged, the brain’s “flight, fight, freeze” mode has been overridden and we begin to move into possibility thinking! We start imagining, dreaming and listening together of how we see the future. Best possible outcomes are intensely imagined future outcomes, not often experienced, and tend to be self-fulfilling when strongly held. We ask next: What are the best possible outcomes for the situation (reconnection to land)?

Social ecosystems prosper when diversity is embraced and respected. We can recognize that capitalism’s dominance undermines diversity and we hope to live in a world where multiple truths and ways of life can coexist. Pluralism is vital for the flourishing of the planet.

“We thrive when there is diversity. Monoculture, hegemony, these are things that destroy ecosystems..." - Walken Schweigert, Community Member

At the heart of a beautiful world is reconnecting with the land in a way that respects balance and harmony with Mother Earth, honoring all life forms. If we can recognize the life-giving, nurturing qualities that exist in all womb-holders, (including the womb of the earth) humanity would mirror the nurturing relationships found in nature.

When we center interconnectedness and an evolution towards harmony, a less fear-driven world will follow. Our glorious connections will be strong enough to overcome fear and competition, embracing the cycle of life and death, and living with love to achieve a balanced future. By fostering a more cooperative narrative, humanity can be a part of the creation of a thriving and vibrant world.

The most hopeful dream we can have is to rise to the occasion of brilliance, facing all the difficult, beautiful, joyous, chaotic moments of life. To keep rising. . . To continue “Noticing the field of purple.”

Naming Our Needs

By stating our needs aloud we create a foundation for creative action. We may find we have more in common than we had previously thought. Our next step is to ask: What do you need from the situation (land reconnection) or parties to work towards your best possible outcomes?

Naming our needs can feel very strange when we are out of practice. “What do I need?” What does that even mean in the context of reconnection to land? Do we need to forgive injustice, to grieve, to let go of the stories that no longer serve us? We may need to find the places these stories are rooted and dig them up, unearth their molding roots and turn them into compost; something transformed to bring fresh life.

We need beauty, patience, time and space to rest. We need to slow down and enjoy the process. We need to reconnect with our ancestors, and build new relationships with humans and non-humans alike. We need reconnection with spirit, and practices that support that reconnection. Mostly we need to let go of our assumptions and expectations of “right and wrong,” and begin to be a bit more human again. The only intolerable thing is intolerance.

We need to continue finding ways to divest from and expand beyond the capitalist imagination. Perhaps we should be befriending ravens. We should be seeking experiences of truly different ways of being. Other beings do not understand reality the way that we do. We need more authentic relationships with every being. We need to begin to understand that trees talk. They speak a language that is real, earnest and must be listened to.

We need to heal enough as a species that we stop centering ourselves in the conversation. Perhaps we need space to decide what it is we actually need. Some of us haven’t ever asked ourselves this question.

Making A Change

Now we can name the action steps we will take to foster our best possible outcomes. Not solely actions though, we must also create strategies for ourselves. We ask: What are you willing to contribute towards your best possible outcomes?

In our conversation, I kept hearing the truth about healing beyond our disconnection. The pain and grief of being oppressed and what it means to be on land is very real. Still, we long for a different world. More and more, our generation is moving in the world of social change through the lens of land and culture.

“If we had a society where we were literate in trees, insects, and plants, and became so clear in passing down that wisdom and knowledge, with curricula designed for everyone, that would be amazing.” - Aiyana Machado, Community Member

We found that we’re willing to be committed to, and work towards creating spaces that develop and utilize processes that support pluralism, diversity, learning and patience.

Imagine schools, not just for the few with access, but for the masses, that taught children these earthways. Imagine a world where we are all seen for our value inherently. Where just being alive makes you valuable – not your work, not your beliefs, not your upbringing. Just being able to be alive and connected is enough.

“We can hold multiple truths at once and also be in our integrity.” - Walken Schweigert, Community Member

We must share these processes so they can be replicated. When we encourage rest, and give grace to self and others, we are more open to passing on the learnings and wisdom we have received along our journeys. We must be sure to share our processes; ones that support conflict as healing; spaces that allow the flourishing of beauty, and rest, and understanding. Places where we can have different religious and spiritual beliefs, vastly different cultural practices, and share in the culture of difference. With no culture being more valuable than another. And we should have fun doing it, incorporating as much laughter as we can. Laughing at ourselves and the world could make the difference.

Reviewing the Journey

How do you feel and what did you learn?

“I feel inspired. One of the most important things to be doing right now is figuring out how to be in non-extractive relationships with humans and non-human life.” - Walken Schweigert, Community Member

Here’s the thing. I don’t enjoy saying this word, but I’m gonna say it. I personally am feeling a little hopeful. I once read a quote from an author who said something to the effect of “Hope is for people who don’t know the path forward.” In essence, hope is for people who aren’t doing; who aren’t accomplishing a road (and yes we can talk about all the layers there). And I remember being struck by that and totally identifying with it.

Yet here we are, and we don’t actually know the road forward. And still, we’re traveling. And I can travel a road and not know the path forward as long as I have people around me who are also committed to the unknowing. So we just resolved a paradox. And we are doing it together. An impossible thing. . . walking ahead into the unknown, together, and trusting in the process. Trusting in the diversity of thought and feeling as the map to get us there. I mean. That’s just it. We’re hopeful about land. And for all intent and purpose, from here on out, know that when I use the word land, I am including us in the definition of the word land. Yes, all the complex and complicated parts of us. We don’t need to be reconnected necessarily, we only need to remember we have been connected all along. We are the land, and the land is us.

Chrystal Odin is a mother, spouse, artist, and farmer; an educator and activist for African Descendants of the (en)Slaved (ADOS) and Indigenous access to land. An alumni of Camphill Village Communities Inc, North America, Chrystal has spent more than a decade doing land and home-based service work within the framework of intentional community. They are a current resident of Philadelphia Community Farm Inc., serving on the Board of Directors, as well as lead Farmer-Florist and Resident Community Member. https://phillyfarm.org/

^[1] Information about Philadelphia Community Farm, including how to support our work, can be found at our website: phillyfarm.org.

^[2] Robert Chadwick ,Finding New Ground: Beyond Conflict to Consensus (OneTree, 2012.)

^[3] More information on Dr. JuanCarlos Aruaz and his work can be found at https://www.e3educate.org/e3-tools.

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